


Overcomplications

by orchidbreezefc



Series: Both Ways [3]
Category: Marvel 616, New X-Men: Academy X, X-Men (Comicverse)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Established Relationship, Grief/Mourning, Josh unable to stay gold for more than two seconds, M/M, Messiah Complex, Murder, Revenge, Unhealthy ways to deal with dead girlfriends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-04
Updated: 2015-08-13
Packaged: 2018-04-12 22:05:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4496472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orchidbreezefc/pseuds/orchidbreezefc
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The events of Messiah Complex roll around just as Josh and Julian have found some semblance of comfort with each other. But there's one major difference to the X-kids' self-tasked mission to attack the Purifiers, and the kids will have to deal with the consequences.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is! The Messiah Complex plot, hopefully as deliciously angsty as anticipated. Best read without Messiah Complex literally open on your lap, as I rewrote much of the dialogue, but only slightly, like when you're paraphrasing in an essay and trying not to be accused of plagiarism.
> 
> Holding onto this without publishing everything I had immediately was a struggle, but yesterday the lovely tumblr user mr-pym and Ao3's own [Pikachunicorn](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Pikachunicorn/pseuds/Pikachunicorn) both expressed how eager they were for more of this series, so I can't resist uploading it now. Don't let me steal the thunder of [Andi's](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Thescratchman) series [Going](http://archiveofourown.org/series/134850), though, because it just updated yesterday and is incredibly good as always.
> 
> I do want to say that it's good to have occasion to bring up Laurie in this series. If you thought I was going to forget her in favor of the sweet, sweet yaoiz--you were wrong and I adore her :P
> 
> Anyway, if you're reading this you're probably familiar with the event, and if not you can always wiki stuff up. In summary: the first new mutant manifestation after M-Day is a baby, and the X-Men and Purifiers both set out to find her. The X-kids, still vengeful against the Purifiers for their murder of 45 students (including Laurie), set out to attack them.
> 
> Chapter warnings: discussion of murder, past and future. And I really mean that tag about Josh's black form.

Julian comes in with Noriko the day the adults take off for the Marauders to get the baby back, _the_ baby. The way they come in, uncharacteristically quiet, shoulder to shoulder in unmistakable solidarity, is enough to get Josh, and everyone else in the room, to sit a little straighter and look their way. 

"We need to talk. All of us," Noriko says darkly. She turns and stalks out of the room. Vic shakes Santo awake; Megan shoots off to the dorms to knock on doors. Josh catches Julian's eye and raises his eyebrows as a question, but Julian is impassive. He just jerks his head as an indication to follow and goes after Nori. 

Surge has taken a place in front of the fireplace in a living room, arms crossed. David comes into the room and plants himself beside her, looking sideways at her, which she hardly seems to notice in her mood.

iPods and phones are turned to silent and placed on the coffee table. Santo takes up almost a whole couch. Josh takes the chair closest to Julian, who splits from Noriko's side, giving up a speaker's position at the mantle to lean on the back of Josh's chair. Cessily in turn gravitates to him and sits on the arm. 

"Purifiers," Noriko spits by way of prelude. Everyone tenses in apprehension; Julian and David are merely grim. "They were there. Trying to get the baby."

"Bastards," Anole whispers. Santo growls wordlessly. Sooraya hangs her head and whispers what might be a supplication or short prayer.

"Professor Xavier talked to us about it," David says with a brief nod at Julian, who tilts his chin up in acknowledgement.

"Yeah, he told us all about how he wanted to use us," Surge shoots at Prodigy. "Because we're all pawns to him, isn't that right?"

David's jaw sets, but he knows how to defer, and he does. He crosses his arms and lets her continue.

"But we know the X-Men--the X adults--aren't going to help. And I say, fuck it, why should they? This one isn't their fight. It's ours."

Noriko looks seriously around at everyone. Her eyes crackle with a fire that has nothing to do with electricity. "They're the Purifiers. They went after us. Not the adults, not Mutant Town or fucking X-Factor, they went after fucking us and they got forty-five of us. This is personal." She crunches one gauntlet into another. "I say we go after them."

The other kids look at each other. Whispers are exchanged. Josh's stomach sinks. 

"If we let them go they'll strike again," Noriko continues. "And they'll kill that baby, which might be our only chance at not being the last mutants, ever. So we'll save it, and if they don't have it, fuck it, we burn them down anyway."

Nori allows a pause, and Josh feels sick. When he thinks of the Purifiers he thinks of Laurie, and DJ, and his hands feel empty, empty, useless and dull. 

But then he twists his fingers together and they don't feel empty anymore. They feel full of the decay, the poison. It should feel like a release when Josh puts it into someone else, but it just feels like it grows in himself every time. Purifiers. _Purifiers_. The sons of bitches who got Laurie. The fuckers who made beautiful, innocent, shy Laurie bleed out in his arms. If he sees them he'll kill them all.

Oh god, he'll kill them all. 

"So. Who's with me?" Noriko demands.

Josh tries to shake his head clear, rubs at his eyes with black fingers. He can't do this. He can't go with them. He's going to kill them all and he can't, he can't do that, he--

Julian's voice comes first, not a surprise. His fingers are tight on the back of Josh's chair. "I'm in. Those people killed Brian."

"Me too," says Cessily immediately. Her hand curls around Julian's arm.

Josh looks at his hands and wills them to turn gold again. It takes a moment, but slowly the black drains down his fingers; he half expects ink to drip from his fingertips.

"I must decline," says Sooraya, her eyes bright with concern for Noriko. "If it were for the baby... but you want revenge, more blood to spill. That is not what I want for us." 

Josh thinks of how Julian is probably the only one who doesn't avoid his black spots, so confident that they--that Josh--won't hurt him.

"Well, that's why I'm doing it," says Anole. "For the baby."

He nudges Santo, who nods and says, "But I'm not gonna change its diaper or anything."

Josh looks up at Julian, whose eyes are following the conversation, and remembers the last time he healed him, just his back, and how Julian didn't try to run, and had _asked_ for it. How Julian had let Josh hold and kiss him afterward, and how they'd laughed together.

"Um, I'll teleport us, but like? I don't wanna, like, kill anyone, if that's what you mean." Megan bites her lip. "I won't have to, will I?"

Josh thinks of how passionately Julian hates the idea of the X-Men killing anyone, how strong his conviction is. 

When Noriko looks at Laura, she merely nods.

Josh thinks of Julian after that mission, in a way not so much unlike how it felt with Laurie, him on the Blackbird strapped down and bloody, struggling to breathe, dying. Josh imagines Julian not having been sedated well enough to finally pass out. He imagines his shields not falling and letting Josh in soon enough. He imagines Julian on a mission with no extraction team, no Blackbird, no Dr. McCoy.

A mission like this one. 

"Don't do this, Noriko," Prodigy urges. Surge glares at him.

Josh slowly reaches up and interlocks his fingers with Julian's, who looks down at him, a little surprised at an affectionate gesture at a time like this.

"You're with us," Noriko doesn't quite ask, nodding at Josh. David furrows his brow as if he was expecting something different. 

Josh looks at Julian, takes a steadying breath, and nods. "Yeah," he says softly. "I'll go." He clenches the fingers on his other hand around a palm he can feel blooming black; the hand in Julian's is gold, and that's all that matters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, _that's_ different, isn't it? What changes will this cause?? If you guessed 'bad things', you guessed right. Stay tuned!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is exactly 1000 words. Pretty cool, huh?
> 
> Warnings: gore, including murder, impalement, electrocution, inflicted illnesses via Josh, etc. Nasty stuff. Mentions of Laurie.

By the fourth church they check in D.C., everyone's grumbling unhappily. It was raining in the last two. 

"Lighten up, guys!" Megan urges as she types into her phone to get the next address. "The Cuckoos and David have been ruling even more out as we speak, probably!"

Julian has been nodding at terse words Noriko's saying to him in a low voice, but when she stops he notices Josh's restlessness. "They might not even have the baby," Hellion says, giving him a nudge. "Vic's gonna check. If you want, you can go straight back out with Pixie soon as he comes back."

"No," says Josh immediately, and then at Julian raising his eyebrows amends, "No. It's not that. I'm afraid--"

"Next stop, everyone!" shouts Megan, shoving her phone into her pocket and wiggling her fingers. A pink cloud envelops them and when it clears, they're on a balcony, with gargoyles and stone fleur-de-lis.

"It's here," Laura says immediately, and everyone goes tense, dropping low and hopefully out of sight. "I smell guns. And anti-telepathy implants."

Nori nods at Vic, who jumps up, catches the top of the doorway, and swings in, out of sight.

"And now we wait," Noriko breathes.

Julian watches the stairway and the door, and silently gropes beside him until he finds Josh's hand. His other hand goes in front of him and his fingers glow faintly green.

"Julian," Josh whispers. Julian nods in acknowledgement but hardly glances at him.

Josh squeezes his hand. "Julian, I'm afraid I'm going to kill them."

Julian goes tenser, already taut like a piano string, and does look at Elixir this time, measuring his blank eyes. "Don't," he says. "You of all people can--" He shakes his head. "Just give them heart attacks, that'll take 'em out without--"

"No, Julian, I'm going to kill them. All of them."

Julian's eyes are wide. 'Laurie?' he mouths, though his face shows he knows the answer. 

'Laurie,' Josh mouths back, a little slower, mouth forming around every sound in her name like it's too precious to ever forget.

Julian's brow furrows. "Maybe we should--"

A stone cracks on the stairs. Noriko's elbow goes sharp into Julian's side and he throws his hands out in front of him. A man in a longcoat uniform with a gun is caught in a bath of green light, and his scream rings out over the ramparts. 

"Go!" Noriko cries, as Laura is already taking the stairs three by three. Josh feels black flood over him, into him, and he jumps up to follow; Julian is left to cast the man to the side and run after him. 

\---

Josh doesn't kill them. Not immediately. He gives them cancer, actually. A few HIV. One tuberculosis. Mostly cancer though; it's easier to convince the cells to start multiplying than introduce infections.

If he had the time and the energy, he would give them all HIV; he likes the irony of inflicting that on these strait-laced Christian types, likes to imagine them discovering they're dying and then having to explain it to their suspicious wives on top of it. But he's fighting for his life, here. 

He's just killing them for the satisfaction, anyway. And because they fucking deserve it. But a bit of early stage cancer isn't going to stop anyone from attacking him, so he gives them more immediately debilitating problems first. Pneumonia, appendicitis, heart attacks.

And then, just as his hands are leaving them, _then_ comes the cancer.

His hands itch to grab someone by the face and just pump evil into them, every disease he can think of. But Julian's dragging Noriko away from a Purifier who smells like burning flesh, screaming at her not to be like them, and--

Well. At least their last months will be painful.

 _You monsters_ , Elixir keeps thinking, and maybe shouting, he's not sure anymore. _Laurie would have been fucking glad to have the chance to have cancer and say goodbye. None of you fucking deserve this_. 

"You!" Josh hears Julian shout, and something in his voice makes Elixir turn to look. "I've seen your--you--you were at the mansion!"

For a moment, Josh's heart sinks as he realizes, by instinct, who it is. Then all he knows is rage. The man shouts, "Yes! I was there to send that busful of you devils to death--I shot that freak Collins of yours in the head--and now--!"

Whatever is to happen now, none of them get to hear it. Josh is already on him. They skid to the floor together; Josh's shoulder takes a hit but he doesn't notice. He closes his hands around Risman's neck. There's shouting; after a moment some part of Josh pieces together that it's his own, and Risman's, and Julian's. 

Josh can't stop crying, and screaming; things like "You bastard! Fucking kill you!" Under his hands, parts of Risman swell into odd shapes, change stomach-turning colors. "Die," Josh snarls at an already horribly-scarred face, now contorted with fear. "Die like she did!"

Something in the expression changes, and Josh knows there's something Risman wants to say, something about how he'd do it again or she deserved it, and Josh is just so angry and he can't deal with hearing that that and fuck, he just misses Laurie so fucking _much_. He collapses Risman's lungs and whispers, "Just fucking die."

For a moment, Josh stares at the body. Just as he thinks to wipe his eyes, there's a rending noise and a gasp of breath leaving a body. It's not a very logical thought, but for a moment all Elixir thinks is how much he hates that he can identify the sound of someone's lungs getting ruptured, and not just because he just made it fucking happen. 

There's screaming, again, not himself or Risman or even Julian this time, but Cessily. She's screaming Julian's name--Josh tears his eyes away from the corpse to see that five long claws are sticking out of Julian's chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does it count as a cliffhanger if it's the same cliffhanger that was in the comics? I don't know.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eyyy it's my birthday. *finger guns* So celebratory chapter! Actually as it happens, not too terribly celebratory a mood in this one for the most part, but that's how chronology worked out I guess.
> 
> Frankly I don't know why Josh wasn't on this mission in the comics. Like, really, Risman and Purifiers and Reavers, all of that was related to him, but nope, we aren't going to tie up those plotlines??? We're just going to drop a wall on him in passing dialogue because he's too powerful to use. Looks like I have to fix everything myself.
> 
> Chapter warnings: impalement again, shooting, murder, Reavers.

All the air leaves Josh's body, just the same as had just happened to Julian, to Risman. Cessily's wailing. Pixie has her hands clamped over her mouth. Laura is poised to pounce on Deathstrike, who has on a plastic smile that never wavers. 

"Children," she says, in the fake sweetness of the teacher you've always hated. She continues talking as Josh gets to his feet; he can't quite hear any of it past the blood pounding in his ears. Oyama says something about her Reavers--Reavers?--and then lets Julian fall to the floor.

Laura and Josh launch themselves at her at the same time. Josh is screaming again; Laura is brutally silent. Deathstrike turns first to Josh, and slices his chest--she doesn't expect him to be undeterred, to keep going and slam into her, pinning the arm she'd attacked with against her chest. Elixir takes her right to the ground and in a scream of metal, Laura has her cybernetic arm.

Deathstrike manages to impale her remaining claws through Josh's shoulder before he kills her. He makes sure she doesn't leave a pretty corpse.

Panting, he pulls her claws out of himself; he can feel Julian's blood cells in his closing wound. Reavers. _Reavers_. This may be his chance--

"Get us out of here!" Noriko shouts to Pixie. 

Josh whips around as he stands up. "No! The Reavers are here!"

Pixie looks like a deer in the headlights. She stutters; her wings flutter in distress.

One of the Purifiers shoots down another one, and then shouts, "Don't be stupid! Get out of here!"

"No!" Josh yells, throwing himself at the nearest Reaver and trying to wrench off his mask to see if he can recognize him. "They're the Reavers, they--I can--"

"Josh! This isn't some stupid redemption quest!" Noriko screams. "Julian is dying!"

Cessily is clutching at Julian, eyes terrified and pleading. Josh looks from her to the Reaver he's grappling with, to Julian.

Anole is telling Pixie to focus while the traitor Purifier, who looks familiar somehow, covers them. Josh gets the mask off; it's Duncan. The guy who got him into it--the guy who threw him under the bus and outed him to his parents. It's all his fucking fault, everything. Black fingers brush his skin and pink clouds swirl at their feet--

Everything is gone, and then Josh is on a bench, more accurately hitting his head on the arm of it. "Fuck!" 

He's crying, again. He can't help it. What kind of shit closure was that? If he had been there a moment longer--if he had said anything, or Duncan had--had he even recognized Josh in his black form? Is he dead now? 

Oh, tonight has been a mess. Everything is coming up and he can't stop it, he can't--Josh sits on the ground and holds his head and bawls.

He looks up when he hears Hisako swearing mightily in Japanese, only to see she's climbing out of a fountain. Nearby Santo is extricating himself from a bush. 

Julian.

Josh runs after the feeling of familiar biology to what turns out to be a dumpster, whose contents fortunately seem to have cushioned Julian's fall. 

"Josh." Julian reaches up to Elixir when he sees him, and Josh scoops him up, with the help of some weak telekinesis as support. He goes to his knees, cradling Julian in the street. 

"God, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I was so worried I wouldn't find you," Josh starts to ramble, pulling fabric away from the wounds. "I followed your biology, I'm more familiar with yours than most people's, I..."

"Good thing you're a--fucking--touch kink pervert then, right, Elixir?" Julian wheezes. His voice rattles. 

Josh's body tries to chuckle but can't manage it. Julian's hurt so badly fear takes his breath away. He keeps his hands away from any skin until they turn gold--until they--until--

They're still black. 

"Julian, my hands!" Josh wails, hysteria rising inside him. "Julian, m-my hands won't turn gold, I--I can't--"

Julian regards the hands with a grave expression, then reaches out. "No!" Josh cries, trying to jerk away, but Julian holds him still with a flicker of telekinesis and grabs his arm.

"Julian!" Josh yelps. Julian turns even paler, eyelids fluttering in a struggle to stay conscious. Then his grip slips, and leaves a hand-shaped smear of gold behind it. 

"Dumbass," Hellion mutters raggedly. He holds Josh's arm and smooths his other hand up Josh's wrist, until for a moment their palms and fingers line up together, ashy white against a blooming burnished gold. Then Julian lowers their hands to his wounds. His own hand slips away as he passes out.

"You stupid motherfucker," Josh mutters, sniffling but not daring to wipe his eyes until the wounds close. He wonders how afraid Julian was. By the time he's done he's almost ready to pass out himself from the strain, but he forgets all about that as soon as Julian's eyes open again. 

"Julian! Julian, thank god!" Josh squeezes him for a moment, then releases him enough to pepper kisses all over his face.

"Stop, stop!" Julian laughs. "Stop, you're gonna gay me up. You're getting homo all over me." He catches Josh's tear-streaked face in his hands and pulls him in to kiss him on the mouth. Josh melts into it, maybe a little too much--he lurches forward. 

"Christ, my turn to help you out, I guess," Julian says, getting up out of Josh's lap to sit beside him. Then he punches Elixir's arm. "Just so you know, Foley, you're fucking stupid. Fucking 'no, let's stay, I haven't killed everybody yet'--fucking dumbass--"

"They were Reavers! Reavers, Julian." Josh grabs Julian's hand, wide-eyed and horribly earnest. "Duncan was there. I had to fight them, so you would know that I--"

"What?" Julian's affectionate-ribbing attitude drops. He furrows his brow at Josh. 

"Well--I wanted to--you hated me for that, remember? The Reavers. Longer than everyone else. And Duncan, he--" Josh looks away, twines fingers that can't decide if they're gold or black. "Well, you don't know that story, but remember, you wouldn't let it go--I was going to get them so that--"

"Jesus," Julian mutters. "I cannot fucking believe--Christ!" He stands up and kicks the dumpster, making Josh flinch. "You think I wanted that?" he yells, eyes lighting up green. "Fucking remember, you know what I fucking remember? Me bleeding out on the fucking floor! It wasn't that long ago, it's not much of a mental stretch! You think I wanted you to try getting yourself _killed_ instead of--while I--?" His voice cracks and he breaks off.

Hellion wipes his eyes angrily as if the glow were tears, then looks out at the street. As soon as Josh opens his mouth to--apologize, say fucking _something_ , he cuts him off with, "You killed her," no specifying, no question. "And the guy who--the--Two-Face."

Josh monitors Julian's expression, and cautiously nods. "Well," he says, pulling his boots up against his chest, "I pretty much--I basically killed everyone I got my hands on, actually." He rubs the back of his neck and looks away. "Not immediately. Terminal cancer, and shit."

Julian doesn't say anything for a long time, just looks up at the stars coming out. Josh wants to press him, but doesn't. He hopes very hard that Julian will just shake his head and take his hand and say something like, 'I just didn't want you to get hurt, okay? It doesn't matter that you were a Reaver. It never mattered. God, what the hell am I going to do with you?'

He doesn't. He runs his hand through his hair and says, "We should find Cessily, and the others," pushing off from the dumpster, eyes blanker than Josh's almost. "They'll be worried for--for me," he says with a difficulty that makes his voice rough, tugging restlessly at a bloodied hole in his shirt.

Josh plods after Julian, still exhausted but ill at ease now too. The others have already formed a loose circle by the fountain, ignoring the stares of passers-by, helping each other wash off blood while Noriko paces.

Cessily basically throws herself at Julian when she sees him. She lifts his shirt, making him squawk in complaint, and puts her hand against his whole but still blood-streaked chest, as if to make sure it's not an illusion. "Oh thank God," she cries, quite literally wrapping herself around him in a hug.

She doesn't let go until Julian gasps to her that he can't breathe, at which point she releases him and kisses Josh on the cheek. "Thank you so much," she says fervently, giving him a hug of his own, with less crushing this time.

When she lets go, Josh staggers. "Oh God, you're dead on your feet!" Cessily exclaims, sparing a confused glance at Julian, who hadn't been helping him. "Here, let me." She pulls his arm over her shoulder.

Noriko, who has been watching, sighs. "Well. We're all here and they don't have the baby. Nothing to do but go home." She nods at Pixie, who sighs loudly in relief. Noriko rolls her eyes but strides over and claps Julian on the shoulder, and Salem Center disappears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note that I'm less than fond of that fandom meme putting disabled characters in dumpsters as a joke, so please don't make any jokes about Julian being one of them here. I just figured it was more merciful than falling on the street in his condition, and somebody actually did fall into a dumpster in the comic.
> 
> Anyway, just so you know I'm writing part four at the moment, and a oneshot with different characters, and both have gotten away from me a little. But rest assured they are going strong! So ideally you will see them sooner than later.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, yesterday was possibly the worst day of my life, my mom's birthday is today, and tomorrow I have an MRI. Busy week!
> 
> Anyway, this chapter has Hank McCoy, which I don't like him any more than the next guy, but I gave him the benefit of the bad writer and wrote him rather on the likeable side.
> 
> No chapter warnings for once!

When they come back, it's to a courtyard in ruins. 

"What the hell?" Santo roars.

"Kids!" Cyclops shouts, noticing their presence and jogging over. "Are you all right?"

"We--" Noriko looks around at the others, caught red-handed. "Um--"

"It's all right," says Emma, striding out of the dust, looking not unshaken. "We know, darlings. We just want to see you safe."

"Well, we are," says Noriko finally. "All of us. what happened?"

"Sentinels turned on us," Cyclops says grimly, looking off at Warpath, who is shoveling rubble.

"No frigging way," Santo says sarcastically in what he seems to think is a quiet voice. Vic elbows him. 

Cyclops looks at them sharply. "This is no laughing matter. Our school has found itself under attack. And you--running off on a suicide mission in the middle of it!"

"It wasn't a suicide mission, and also for your information we found the Purifiers don't have the baby," Noriko says flatly, looking Cyclops in the visor. He looks taken aback. "We took out quite a lot of their main chapter, actually, with no losses. So you're welcome."

Cyclops's face turns red and twists in anger. "Surge, I do not intend to undermine your leadership in front of your team, but--"

As Noriko opens her mouth to argue, Emma cuts them both off, surprising all the kids. "I'll talk to her, Scott. Not here." She turns to everyone else. "The important thing is that you kids are safe--which you might not have been had you been here for the attack."

Everyone looks at each other in mixed emotion, primarily surprise--Santo at least can't seem to believe his luck. 

Cyclops sighs. "Get some sleep, then. Tomorrow, the rebuilding effort. Hellion, we'll certainly be glad of your help."

For once, Julian resists the urge to roll his eyes.

\---

And so most of the next day goes. Hellion has recovered from his bad mood enough to make sure everybody knows how instrumental he is to the cleanup, but on the other hand the effort he exerts on his telekinesis in the process tires him, which makes him cranky.

Josh, for his part, has recognized that he fucked up and is stricken with the concern that others may be upset with him as well. Therefore he takes it upon himself to bustle around providing everyone with drinks and winning smiles at opportune times--it helps that he can sense their cells dehydrating.

Noriko definitely seems a little softer-eyed when she looks at him after he hands her a bottle. Pixie, who was never built for shoveling rubble in the first place, actually throws her arms around him. He takes the time to apologize for stressing her out, and she waves him off saying it was water under the bridge; of course, Megan couldn't hold a grudge against a friend if it had handles on it. 

Nobody else seems to have been upset in the first place, least of all Cessily, who is just happy Josh came on the mission at all. She confides that she's not sure they'd have gotten Julian back safely without him, what with the state Megan had been in. Josh almost asks if she can tell Julian that. 

Maybe he should have, because Julian is just as sour toward Josh as he'd been yesterday. When Elixir anxiously presents him with his bottled water, Hellion inspects it like he suspects it's poisoned, then pours it all over his hair and body (making his hair and shirt cling to him and drip in a way that entirely fails to make Josh less nervous).

Josh had been practicing in his head what he was going to say all day, but as soon as he opens his mouth, Professor Summers is asking everybody to disperse so he can argue with Professor Xavier. 

Josh's opportunity is shot. Julian just throws a stony glance at him and kicks off the ground to go. Josh would usually push it, but doesn't today. He figures Julian's off to the roof, as usual, and decides to go sit in the med lab rather than sulk in the rec room and depress everyone. 

Dr. McCoy has finished his checks on Nightcrawler and is just letting him out when Josh comes in.

Nightcrawler grins and clasps Josh's hand. "Thank you for your help, Elixir! I've been back to mein fantastisch self--all thanks to you! Vielen dank." He shakes his hand enthusiastically; Elixir can't help but laugh. 

"I've been stuck here because one Herr Doktor Flaumig has felt the need to double-check your impeccable work," Nightcrawler adds, turning to Beast and flicking his tail in play disapproval. 

"He's still young yet," Beast says gently. "Mr. Foley is talented, but healing is a fine art, and it's so easy to make mistakes. Nobody wants an organ collapse while you are gallantly saving our newborn brother or sister."

"Or in between," Josh says, thinking of Julian. "Nobody knows for sure yet."

Beast looks at him and adjusts his glasses. "Astute, Mr. Foley. Very astute. Of course, the baby is too young for any self-determination past what we assign it."

"Yeah, well," says Josh, hoisting himself up onto a counter while Nightcrawler takes his leave, "maybe we shouldn't at all."

"In an ideal world," Dr. McCoy says gravely. "I'm sure it would have helped your accident-prone friend Mr. Keller."

Josh wonders why adults are always calling kids' significant others 'friends', but doesn't bother correcting Hank. "Accident-prone is right," he says instead. "If you're double-checking my healing, you ought to check him too--but not right now," he adds hastily. "Just whenever he comes in. He gets his pill this week, right? Maybe then."

"Why not as soon as possible?" Hank asks, yellow eyes searching. "Surely we want to ascertain his safety?"

"Of course I want him safe! It's just he's mad at me," Josh admits. "I don't want to make it worse by letting him know it was me bugging him to come in, I know he hates the med lab. You could tell him someone else tipped you off about him needing a check-up, or something."

"And what exactly has soured the temperamental young man to you?"

Josh explains the events of and after the mission, minus the killing and kissing parts. Beast listens and considers him closely. 

"Your membership in the Reavers is a weighty thing, I'm afraid," Beast sighs, cleaning his glasses on his shirt. "You have been lucky for your other friends to forgive you, but Hellion is a strongly opinionated boy regarding mutant welfare and loyalty to our community. He may never forgive you entirely."

"Thanks," Josh grumbles. He remembers when Julian had first found out--his first friend at the school, thinking their bond could withstand anything, literally having gone through fire together. Julian just tossing all that aside like it meant nothing.

What if Julian these last couple months just momentarily forgot, and now that he's reminded will discard Josh in disgust again? What if they break up? Oh God, oh God--

"However," Hank continues primly. "I think Mr. Keller is quite fond of you, Mr. Foley, and he is quite protective of his friends and relationships. If he was able to move forward despite the past once, I have no doubt that he will find it in himself to do it again."

Josh puts his head in his hands. "I just don't want to screw things up again. I can never fix the Reavers stuff, I guess--I mean, I tried, but it was stupid how I did it. I hate that I joined them and I hate that I attacked them, I feel so bad, and I--I don't know, I just--I wanted to make up for it. He's the only one who still cares, and I just--I want to be someone he can be proud of. I just like him so much," he says finally, his voice tapering off to a pathetic whimper. 

He feels a big furry paw ruffle his hair gently. "I think you ought to tell him that." Josh looks up and Beast nods at the door, where Julian is standing, hands in his pockets.

"Pill day," he says, shrugging awkwardly. 

Josh slips off the counter and stands up. "Did you hear all that?"

Julian looks to the side for a few agonizing moments, then looks up to meet Josh's eyes. "Since that in-between comment. And the keeping me safe thing. Both of which might have helped your case a bit."

Josh takes a few steps. The distance feels less like an ocean. "I'm sorry. I know I fucked up."

"Language."

"Sorry, Dr. McCoy," Josh says as Julian snorts. "But I mean--I shouldn't have put anything before helping you, least of all some stupid redemption-revenge thing." He ruffles his own hair in frustration at the words that fail to come. "Like, I just--I thought it was my chance to make it all up, but that was the way past, meanwhile you were right there in front of me. And that was more important."

"Damn right it was."

"Language!"

"Sorry, Dr. McCoy." Josh tries not to laugh. Julian looks at Beast, who catches the message and turns around, pretending to busy himself with something and not listen. Then Julian says, "Look, being a Reaver was messed up. That's not okay. That will never be okay. You can't ever make that go away. And you kill people, and that's horrible and I hate it."

Josh hangs his head and fidgets with his fingers. Black spots swirl around them in a swarm.

"But." Josh looks up, and Julian has tilted his head. His eyes are doing something unreadable. "You did kill someone for me, and I saw you take hits doing it. And you tried to make the Reaver stuff better, like, really you tried. And I've been mad about it for--well, a long time. So maybe..."

He takes a step forward, and they're a couple feet apart, and Josh can't seem to restart his breathing. "What I'm trying to say is," Julian goes on, "maybe we can work on that stuff, with the Reavers and whoever Duncan is and Laurie, and--y'know, my stuff, too. Together. After all, you're my boyfriend." He slowly slips his hand into Josh's, and the black retreats like it was never there. "So I guess I gotta deal with your BS."

Josh looks at him for a long moment, then: "Boyfriend?" he asks, a grin spreading across his face. 

"God." Julian rolls his head back in annoyance. "Of course that would be all you get out of _all of that_. Sure. Yes. Boyfriend," he repeats, this time turning faintly pink. "Gotta call it something sometime." Then his nose wrinkles. "Certainly not _friend_ ," he says, glancing pointedly at Beast's back.

Josh laughs and feels himself glow gold down to his toes. "It sounds good to me."

If they kiss briefly, Beast gives no sign that he notices.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you go! The bulk of the heartache should be over for now--the next part should make up for it with more heart-to-heart talking, aaaaand fanservice! ;D
> 
> Also the oneshot is almost done, so look for that soon!
> 
> Hope you enjoyed!


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